Saturday, February 26, 2005

As long as I have music.......

These days, I realize even more than I am so dependent on music. I listen to the music almost 24 hours (I fall asleep with music being played on my ears). I have difficulties working in the office because I cannot turn on the music directly from my computer without using earphones.. ugh. My latest gadget is a small iPod shuffle that is always hung on my neck wherever I travel. Yes, I am dependent on music.

More than just listening to music, I found myself playing music and singing more than ever in my life these days. Even more than when I was in student-choir in ITB (my university in Bandung). In ITB, I sang in the choir and was a conductor too, for some time, but I didn't play music at all, not even for fun. Perhaps I was inferior because I thought I couldn' play "technically" well (I learned music by myself) also I never had any instrument by my own to practice. I also didn't sing solo there, because I was inconfident about it. But here, in Enschede, I got so many chances to perform. I started singing solo in one occasion and then got invited to sing solo more and more and now it becomes my habit! I enjoy it a lot. I also started to play piano and guitar in some events. I also bought a used instrument and started to learn it since 4.5 months ago. A difficult instrument... violin! I mostly learn by myself, yet in the last 2 weeks I tried a teacher. I am still not great in it, but guess it's not bad...:P I played in 3 events already and I loved playing this beautiful instrument.

I think I have conquered my inferiority, not because I am now much better in singing and playing, but now I am spiritually freed to do them. For me, singing and playing music are not about showing what you can do or how good you are, but using them as channels to express myself, to show how great life is, to share the love that God has given to me. Of course, I try to do them well, means I search to be better and better, but that's not the final purpose of doing these anyway. I am doing these because music is the way to set my spirit free!

Playing music and singing are primary needs for me. I cannot survive in my stressful life without them. Music is one of the most important elements of my life. If I cannot sing and cannot play music, oh.... how empty my life would be. When I get headache and tired because of my academic work (which is piling up like crazy -- monograph (book) manuscript, book chapters, articles, and dissertation..!!), I play music and feel so content. Music helps me to grow spiritually, too.

Last night, after singing and playing music at the Praise and Worship Evening, I felt soooo good. I felt satisfied, like all of my burden was suddenly liften. It was so great to end the whole singing moments by finding out that people still wanted more... It was like love flowing over your head.....

For as long as I have music
as long as there's a song for me to sing
I can find my way, I can see a brighter day
the music in my life will set my spirit free!

mer, falling in love with music, again and again


mellyana said...

we're so alike, I just realise, have the same "inferior" feeling too. skrg lg ngerintis gitar, yah satu lagu dua lagu, but solo? to far away :)

dy said...

... music is the way to set my spirit free... butuh proses untuk menemukannya ya Mer... enjoy...!

merlyna lim said...

mel: ya kalo ngga solo, yogya lah... atau kalo mau lebih deket lagi, ya tasik deh...:)

dy: thanks, iya nih butuh proses. tapi bukan berarti waktu di psm engga menikmati sih. menikmati banget, cuma high pressure juga euy...