Monday, February 28, 2005

Kampung kuring banjir....

Beberapa hari lalu, tepatnya hari Kamis minggu lalu, aku dapat email dari 3 kawan yang memberitahukan bahwa Dayeuhkolot banjir besar, tergenang air sekitar 2-3 meter. Oh! Sebagai Lady Day(euh) aku tentunya langsung panik mendengar daerah kekuasaanku terserang bencana banjir! Serius, dua rius, tiga rius, aku betul-betul panik dan langsung menelepon ke Bandung. Pasalnya aku ini kan orang Dayeuhkolot asli. Tepatnya dari kampung Perbas/Cigereleng, desa Pasawahan, kecamatan Dayeuhkolot. Orang tuaku dan keluargaku masih bermukim di sana.

Setelah tersambung dengan ibuku, aku merasa sedikit lega mengetahui ternyata rumah ortu-ku tidak tergenang air. Untunglah, rumah ortu-ku baru direnovasi dan di-tinggi-kan 50 cm. Air hanya masuk sampai pekarangan saja, kata ibuku. Walaupun begitu, sedih juga mendengar daerah-daerah yg kukenal baik, tempat teman-temanku bermukim -- Kampung Bojong Citepus di Desa Cangkuang Wetan serta Kampung Citeureup, Palasari dan Babakan Sangkuriang di Desa Pasawahan -- semuanya tergenang air. Palasari itu hanya sekitar 5 menit dari rumahku dan termasuk daerah yang parah terkena banjir.

Ah, setiap musim hujan, orang-orang di Bandung Selatan inilah yang terkena bencana banjir. Sementara orang-orang kaya yang bermukim di 'daerah resapan' di Bandung Utara sana duduk-duduk dengan santai menikmati nyanyian hujan dari balik kaca jendela rumah mewah mereka.

Ini adalah alasan nomor satu mengapa aku meninggalkan pekerjaanku sebagai arsitek di salah satu developer besar di Bandung Utara (Dago tepatnya) beberapa tahun silam. Karena aku terlibat proyek besar yang membabat daerah resapan dan menyulap slop-slop curam yang tak boleh dibangun menjadi kawasan pemukiman mewah yang dijual di atas harga 500 juta per kapling. Karena aku melihat tetangga-tetanggaku di Dayeuhkolot menjadi semakin sengsara, kebanjiran paling tidak sekali setahun dengan tingkat banjir yang semakin parah, seiring dengan semakin menjamurnya kompleks hunian di Bandung Utara sana.

Semakin tak menyesal aku meninggalkan pekerjaan itu. Paling tidak aku tidak dihantui perasaan bersalah. Paling tidak aku tak merasa dilumuri dosa. Paling tidak telunjuk-ku tak menuding dadaku sendiri saat tetangga-tetangga di desaku kebanjiran. Ya... paling tidak.... Walaupun ke 'paling tidak' an ku ini, tak ada gunanya sama sekali.... mungkin. Ah...

Saturday, February 26, 2005

As long as I have music.......

These days, I realize even more than I am so dependent on music. I listen to the music almost 24 hours (I fall asleep with music being played on my ears). I have difficulties working in the office because I cannot turn on the music directly from my computer without using earphones.. ugh. My latest gadget is a small iPod shuffle that is always hung on my neck wherever I travel. Yes, I am dependent on music.

More than just listening to music, I found myself playing music and singing more than ever in my life these days. Even more than when I was in student-choir in ITB (my university in Bandung). In ITB, I sang in the choir and was a conductor too, for some time, but I didn't play music at all, not even for fun. Perhaps I was inferior because I thought I couldn' play "technically" well (I learned music by myself) also I never had any instrument by my own to practice. I also didn't sing solo there, because I was inconfident about it. But here, in Enschede, I got so many chances to perform. I started singing solo in one occasion and then got invited to sing solo more and more and now it becomes my habit! I enjoy it a lot. I also started to play piano and guitar in some events. I also bought a used instrument and started to learn it since 4.5 months ago. A difficult instrument... violin! I mostly learn by myself, yet in the last 2 weeks I tried a teacher. I am still not great in it, but guess it's not bad...:P I played in 3 events already and I loved playing this beautiful instrument.

I think I have conquered my inferiority, not because I am now much better in singing and playing, but now I am spiritually freed to do them. For me, singing and playing music are not about showing what you can do or how good you are, but using them as channels to express myself, to show how great life is, to share the love that God has given to me. Of course, I try to do them well, means I search to be better and better, but that's not the final purpose of doing these anyway. I am doing these because music is the way to set my spirit free!

Playing music and singing are primary needs for me. I cannot survive in my stressful life without them. Music is one of the most important elements of my life. If I cannot sing and cannot play music, oh.... how empty my life would be. When I get headache and tired because of my academic work (which is piling up like crazy -- monograph (book) manuscript, book chapters, articles, and dissertation..!!), I play music and feel so content. Music helps me to grow spiritually, too.

Last night, after singing and playing music at the Praise and Worship Evening, I felt soooo good. I felt satisfied, like all of my burden was suddenly liften. It was so great to end the whole singing moments by finding out that people still wanted more... It was like love flowing over your head.....

For as long as I have music
as long as there's a song for me to sing
I can find my way, I can see a brighter day
the music in my life will set my spirit free!


mer, falling in love with music, again and again

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Am I?

After taking this test, apparently I am:

A brilliant learner with a knack for almost everything, you choose to spend your efforts in the pursuit of travels that extend your own potential.
Quote: "Maybe I am sick of following rules and regulations!"

This characteristic is depicted in Wesley Crusher, a character in the Star Trek universe. His biography can be seen at Startrek.com.

It is an interesting result and not the most popular one... yet not the least popular either. I think that representation fits me ... :)

Thursday, February 10, 2005

The LIFE

I don't know why suddenly these days some friends of mine are in edgy situations. They shared me their feelings in their emails to me and unfortunately I am never able to really help except giving my words of comfort, sharing my experiences, and lending my ears to listen.

One of some friends shared me how she is feeling so empty living in one place, tiring of her work, frustated about her love-life.... lost in the dessert.. emptiness of life.. where all look too similar.. sands... sands everywhere. Her experience may sound familiar to so many people. At least once in our lives, each of us experiences such a dry moment, feel lost and empty. We feel trapped in the chaotic situation with a pile of unsolved problems. We struggle to get out from this trap but just get drowned deeper and deeper. We end up feeling deeply discontent, unhappy, and frustated.

A labyrinth named 'life' is a tangled maze. Sometimes, or most of times, we try to straighten each string of the web of life, struggle to put each string into boxes of elements of life (school, work, love, etc..etc.. you name it), sweat to sort the tangle out. Most of times, or in all times, we fail. Everything in the web of life are connected. There is never a way to sort out the tangle, because it is a web, it is a labyrinth, and yes, it's a maze, a big confusion. And that's why life is complicated and not easy. Yet precisely in its complexity, life becomes so unpredictable, mysterious, challenging.. and in itself is very interesting, precious and valuable. Still, while we know how complicated and interesting life is, we continue struggling to rationalize the life.

In times of turbulence, we rationalize it even more. We try to identify problems, causes, causality links, etc...etc... We thought we knew the answer. We thought the problem was the person, or the work, or the family....the place...... and many other or's. But in fact, our relationships to these nodes-- persons around us, our work, our family, our school, etc -- are in our big bundle, none is independent, none can be isolated from others. Our problems after all cannot be externalized as much as happiness also cannot be external to our existence. When we are discontent abour ourselves, all nodes around us seem to be collapsed.. but they fix themselves once we are content...

When we're discontent we sometimes think it perhaps because of the place, the people, the work, etc...etc... but it's not merely one of them or all of them. Life is mostly about ourselves, the self. Life is about you. Yes, life is about me.

In my life, things are begun with me. Life is about me. Meaningful contented life, full of happiness, is depending only on one self, ME. Problems, stressful moments, confusion, frustation, anger, tears, they are always there... never really stop. But the love to life and the full contentment -- about who we are and what we are doing -- can wrap and protect the life... makes life so strong, so impeccable, unbreakable.*

I see tress, red roses too
I see them bloom for me, and you
and I think to myself, what a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
are also in the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do
They're really saying, "I love you"

Ah, life is so precious.... When I listen to this song, I smell the sound of contentment. How I love this life. I find love with places I go, people I meet, and all things in between.... I fall in love with life, everyday I wake up in the morning, again and again.....

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

There will come a day ....

For anybody who needs this poem......

There will come a day
when a cluster of dark clouds
will disappear under a sunshower
and your stormy night
will turn to a glorious morn

There will come a day
when your tangled maze of frustation
will softly turn into a hopeful cycle of life
and your tears of sorrow
will flow into tears of joy

There will come a day
when you will go on believing
and treasure each of teardrops
that make the path
of your life

mer in hnl