Friday, July 16, 2004


Entah kenapa, pagi ini tiba-tiba ingin menulis dalam bahasa Indonesia... (buat yang ngga ngerti... ya udah.. sukurin deh luh..hehe). Mungkin karena sudah lama tidak berbicara dalam bahasa Indonesia? (Ah, engga juga... hari Minggu kemaren masih ketemu temen orang Indo dan ngobrol ngelantur ngalor-ngidul). Mungkin karena memang sudah lama tidak mnulis dalam bahasa Indo kecuali untuk ber-email-ria dengan teman2 lama. Mungkin juga pelampiasan alam bawah sadarku karena bulan depan aku tidak jadi pulang ke Indo. Yah, mungkin.. mungkin saja.. mungkin saja abstraksi dari sebuah kerinduan.

Kerinduan... 'rindu', rasa yang umum diakui mereka yang tinggal jauh dari keluarga dan teman. Rasa yang biasa menghantui mereka yang tinggal jauh dari tanah air atau negara asal. Tapi aku tak pernah mengatakan kata itu. Aku pikir rasa rindu itu sudah hampir hilang dilibas waktu. Aku pikir kata 'rindu' itu sudah berbaur kata 'terbiasa'. Tiga tahun terakhir sedikit sekali waktu yang kuhabiskan bersama keluarga dan teman-teman di Indonesia dan aku menjadi terbiasa. Tak pernah berusaha membunuh rasa rindu karena aku sudah terbiasa dengannya. Sehingga kerinduan bukanlah lagi sebuah kerinduan.

Namun hari ini kusadari, mungkin rasa rindu itu tetap ada. Karena aku masih bermimpi tentang ibuku yang selalu menjinjing kantung keresek berwarna hitam ke pasar setiap pagi, ayahku dengan celana pendek biru favoritnya dan sandal jepit yang sudah hampir rata dengan tanah, adikku yang sering terkantuk-kantuk tak kenal waktu dan tempat, dan keponakanku si jenius Abel yang super lucu.

Ya, rasa rindu itu pernah ada. Masih ada. Akan selalu ada.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

The cost of health

I got a mail from my insurance company today. They sent me a letter asking some information why I was in the hospital and enclosed an invoice from the hospital. Shocking, the amount was 4,574.70 Euro! That's 50 million Rupiahs! If I had to pay by myself, then ... ugh, one year working is not enough. Fortunately, the insurance will cover it. So, health is unbelievably costly ya?

Mahal euy... mahal...

Monday, July 12, 2004


Many things just suddenly happened in past few weeks. Big things in life. Unfortunately, but perhaps fortunately, I wasn't prepared to deal with one real BIG thing. However, just 4 days ago, on Thursday of 8 July 2004, I got an answer for this big thing. Made me feel so relieved. Made me appreciate life much more than before. I cannot really say what was that big thing, as it was very personal. In brief I can say that it was about life and death.

Since that day, I've been feeling so good about my existence. I value my life more. I enjoy my being in this world and feel the goodness of God. I love my life and feel loved by this life. This life is worth of living.


The air flows through my existence
and celebrates my life
It breezes the goodness
in all forms of life
Opens all of my petals
and let love flow in
Spreads the seeds of love inside me
and let them grow within
Erases the scars of the past
and finds again the peace in my life
I wake up and rise
let a new energy of love flow
Inside me, within me, around me
let it wrap me up
I embrace love and laugh
as life is worth of living

enschede, july 2004

Sunday, July 04, 2004

The Political Compass

Do you ever wonder where you stand politically? Mostly I figured myself to be kind of a bit leftish... but not so much. But after taking a test in a cool political analysis tool, now I know where I stand (perhaps it's 'almost' right). The tool that is called as The Political Compass is really a cool easy to use tool. What you have to do is just answering 6 series of questions covering variety of attitues, values and opinions towards political issues. At the end you get a test result which is a pair of numerical scores ranging from -10 to 10 that cover two spectrums: economic left/right and libertarian/authoritarian.

So, what did my test say? Surprisingly I come in as -8.25/-4.77!!! This means I'm pretty much a lefty (hey, I never thought I was). According to the analysis section of the Political Compass, this result puts me closest to Nelson Mandela and Gandhi - in political sense. Wow!! Well, perhaps I could get along so well with them, then....:-)

Anyway, it's fun to do this.. Wanna try? Just click this: Political Compass

Saturday, July 03, 2004

The Mutable Self

"I am different with an Internet in my hand; the Internet is different with me using it. I am another subject because I use the Internet; the Internet is another object because it has entered into a relationship with me" (Mer's rendition of Latour's Pandora's Hope p 179)

The demonstration of a new definition for the relationship between humans and non-humans, subjects and objects by Latour goes much deeper than this simple passage has captured.

[not yet finished]